Saturday, December 09, 2006

Classes are over

I just got out of my last review session, and had my last class today.

Now I just have to study some civ pro, answer some questions, study some torts, answer some questions, study some contacts, answer some questions, and I am done with my first semester of law school. Not so hard on paper eh?

Its funny looking over the school. Stress is getting the best of them, and it is noticeable. Some people are more defensive, some just seem worried. A few people are reassuring themselves by telling everyone that they are not stressed. A few people are enforcing their work habits by telling everyone that they are super stressed.

The whole grades thing has never looked more vain to me. By and large, these kids really know the material. There are holes, and not everyone should be teaching a class, but these are very smart kids working very hard, knowledge is going to happen.

But now we grasp at letters on a page that for some mean nothing less than a stamp of approval on something they have worked harder for than anything else up to that point.

For me? I think its pretentious and not realistic to say I am not stressed. I don't feel stressed, but I work a fair amount. I find myself more standoffish than normal, and a bit more worried. These are signs of stress with me. So whether I call it how I detect it or not its gotta be there.

Life has been good, which has been a decent distraction, I am not all law school, which makes me better at law school. Being able to get away focuses me down more and has helped me a lot when I do study (rather than burning out).

Right now? I look forward to tests. I would never say that to an NYU law student because it comes off arrogant. The implication is that you think you will do well on tests, tests being comparative, the implication because that you will do better than everyone else, which becomes, you think you know the stuff better or are smart than someone else. Sort of a "but for" causation test for arrogance.

I look forward tests for the reason that a great TA of mine and one of my profs have said many times: tests are a way for you to express that you learned something.

So I am left with one question, did I learn something worth expressing? I hope so, and I think so. I remember there was a point where I did not "buy" torts. There was a point where I did not know what "International Shoe" meant. I don't know if I learned a coded language, the moral equivalent of secret-handshakes, or learned the principles that do or should govern our governors. Either way, it feels like I have learned something.

I will put what I have learned on my test, and I will hope that its a lot. I want to do well, but right now it feels like it did before my thesis, I don't care how I do, I am proud of what I have done (then I was disappointed about how I did, defeating everything I just said).

In other words, give me four days, and I will be a ball of stress.